I miss you

Dear Grandpa,
I miss you with all of my heart.
As much as I wish you were here,
I wish our family was together today,
celebrating the birth of our King!
My heart aches for the day that our
family will reunite again, because the
ones that are away right now... Need love.
I wish I could meet Philip... I wish that Kathy was here.
As much as I love them, I need them here.
Papa, I miss you. I need you here. I need a hug from you.
I long for the day when I will see you again.


Love,
Kateri

Happy Birthday Jesus!

So it's Jesus' birthday (:
You should be celebrating! If you're not, go out and celebrate!

I was on a mission trip the past few days (tues-friday)...
It was amazing! unexplainable, but still explainable enough to tell you how incredible it was.
Tuesday night everyone hung out and prepared for the first day of work -- wednesday.  We had Adoration and confession, which was all in itself amazing!
Wednesday morning, we rose at 7am and had Mass at 7:30, breakfast and prepared for the long day ahead.  My team: Gina, Audra, Ellie, Eddie, Evan and myself went to the girl, Cassie's house.  We painted her room purple with black trim, we put zebra print comforter, rugs and curtains in her room and gave her a desk and shelf. We showed her love through our generosity. We got back to the church where we were staying and had dinner, prayed and slept.
Thursday morning we woke up at 7 and had Mass at 7:30, we then ate breakfast and were assigned to new teams and different projects... I was with Elyse, Gabe, Matt, JP, Michele Michaela, Augustine, Daniel... We went to the largest Catholic museum in the US. We cleaned - vacuumed, dusted the whole museum and some of us swept and mopped the soup kitchen. Myself and Michele were faster than the boys at sweeping and mopping. (: we finished at about 1:30 and walked back to the church center and proceeded to the Run the Race center where we decorated for the dinner party later that night for all of the Racer's and their families.  We put on skits for them and sang songs, we had santa there for the little kids...
Once everyone got back to the parish center, we were exhausted, we hung out had night prayer and got to bed.  Friday morning we awoke at 7:30, had breakfast, packed, morning prayer, then everyone who hadnt seen the museum went there and all of us who had, stayed at the parish center and cleaned up! at 10am everyone went home.

This was an overall amazing trip! So much happened, I am still trying to precess it all.
God is Good!



A side story within this trip... I was helping decorate one of the rooms in the Run the Race center and then i saw this kid walk in; a 17 year old boy, tall, tan skin and dark hair... I realized that it was a boy that i had once gone to kindergarten with -- Mark... I had seen him on the Cranks Creek trip (our usual youth group mission trip) two years ago and had thought of him the day before... It was funny that he was there because he was the first boy i liked, the boy i liked all throughout  middle school and could possibly still like him... Now, see here, throughout middle school and kindergarten, this wasn't just a crush i had on this handsome young boy, but it was the boy that i loved. So i remembered that we once liked each other and had once kissed each other, but i didnt know if he still remembered... so it was just kind of awkward. But now my mind is spinning, the possibilities and everything... Life is happening and i only wish i knew what would happen next.

i love him... because no matter where i go, i cannot walk alone.

why do i want to cry... 

where am i, who am i ... 

where do i go from here?

i was so sure of myself, 

so sure of who i was, 

who i needed, who i wanted to be.

but then... there you go,

being yourself. saying the things 

i want to hear... but you're just not 

right for me... the one that is,

makes me smile, no matter what he says.

but i'm not sure he knows, 

i dont know if he cares. 

i'm trying to stay strong... 

trying to keep moving. keeping my head up.

i hope he'll look to me, and take my hand

because i cannot walk alone.

wherever i go,

i hope he'll be there too.

if i have to stay to be with him, i will.

but hey, true love makes no compromises.

And i must say, i could be married to him, everyday ...

365 x 50... everyday for 50 years, 

yes i've said it. i could ... 

i believe in my heart that i truly could...

but what if i get my hopes up,

what if this all comes crashing down. 

what then?

all i know is that i love him,

i cant give my heart away this soon,

not now, because i dont want it 

broken into a million pieces...

but everything i've said is true.

all of it.

i love him (:

The other guy

Best friends,

lovers,

all that we could be.

Made a history,

had some perfect moments,

that once meant so much to me.

Now I've moved on,

because I tried so hard,

I was unsure how I really felt, 

and if I even loved you.

The night I saw him... 

The one that swept me off my feet,

I saw a glance of jealousy in your eyes...

At least thats what I saw.

Now you're so quiet,

so standoffish... 

I want to be friends,

and just set aside the childish games.

The high school drama.

Because it took you too long,

I'm afraid I've said this before.

It took you too long to make a move.

But perhaps you aren't the one for me...

Its just not me+ you...

WHAT IF: YOU + ME

I've fallen hard for you,
one glance in your eyes,
one look at your smile.
That's all it took for me to fall for you.
You've changed so much since I saw you last,
it was all for the best.
You're everything I've dreamed of,
everything I prayed for.
Everything I need, cause you're everything to me.
That night when we danced,
you took me by the hands,
I hadn't a clue, I'd become so into you, but I did.
I kept telling you that you were doing fine,
just keep trying. Then driving home I thought,
what if you're the one... the one i've waited all this time for.
What if all this pain and suffering was all for you. For you
to change, to become a better person.
All I know is that I love you, with all of my heart;
all I can pray for is that this will all work out; You and Me.

LOOK AWAY -- TFK

What's it mean?

What's it mean when I start to miss you again? When I almost cry at the thought of not being with you.
Did I ever love you? Am I still in love with you? Whatever this is, I want whats best for you and if it's not being with you, I'll be okay. I've been okay since May. But that's what I've just been saying, it's not necessarily true.

Yeah, and what if i still love you? what then?

If i still love you, what would you do?
What would you do if you actually knew?
My thoughts are racing, my heart is too,
and i have the thought that I still love you.
Oh what am I to do?
This feeling inside of me,
memories passing through my mind...
It is indeed a crazy feeling I'm going through, I just cant explain it.
What if i saw you today, what if i saw you tomorrow?
What if you smiled and said "hey, how are you?" what ever
would I do? I'd be speechless. Tongue tied. That's what I'd be.

I never can explain my thoughts, my feelings and never know what to do.
These are part of humanity; this life i'm living, often confused, i need someone to help pull me through.

I HAD A DREAM

I had a dream the other day, that I had a boyfriend,
I wonder who it could be... I didn't recognize him
but he was rather tall and blonde :) The one thing about
this dream is that we'd been dating for some time and
still hadn't kissed...

A more recent dream, as of last night, I found myself
dreaming of this wonderful man again, tall and blonde.
He asked me to homecoming, somewhere, someplace.
He was everything I could dream of. And I found myself
thanking God for him, because I had given up and let all things
go and he brought this wonderful man into my life...
Oh how I wish this dream would come true, because God,
I give all things to you. :)

xoxo

let it be

well hey, everything i wanted to happen, happened. well kind of. the guy i like found out that i like him...
and i get to see him for numerous hours tomorrow. OH JOY! soo that should be interesting. i just want to know what he thinks about the whole thing. i mean i'm sure he knew before today, because hey he held my hand that one night in summer. soo if he's soo not into the whole me liking him thing then why did he hold my hand anyways? my point exactly. case closed. i'm just gunna let it be. :)
peace.

what if

The big question of what if; always wondering what would have happened especially if you had done something ...

I find myself pondering the mysteries of life. What if i had done this, or done that and because i didn't take a risk, i do not know what would have happened. This happens especially with boys, I mean really, you like a guy and he likes you. JUST TELL EACH OTHER ALREADY. Take a risk! What are you waiting for? But everyone is afraid of rejection and a broken heart, it's quite understandable. But if you just wait, you might miss out on something big. 

If i could be truthfully honest and completely vulnerable to the guy i like, i would, but i'm afraid. Afraid of getting my heart broken, and I guess I should be. I'm the kind of person that chokes up and doesn't know what to say when he walks by. I mean this really just sounds pathetic. Just another day in my world. That is all.

someone is out there for you.

so theres this perfect someone waiting for you, but you just gotta wait too. maybe you know him, maybe you dont. but he'll come along sooner or later, or just get the courage to ask ya out.

somewhere, someplace, the stars will shine

And every night the stars will somewhere shine and you will close your eyes to fall asleep. 

There you will come into a dream that you wish was your reality. 

A place where all is perfect, but then this perfect world seems to slip through your fingers 

and you awaken to find that it was only a dream, a dream that was not real.

summer love.

How can you cross my mind

what we had is over and done with

time has gone by, we've moved on.

Life has changed but the guys that 

come in and out of my life, seem to scar my heart.

I'm careful of who i love, but if i fall too hard, i push away.

Just slamming that door shut and running away.

But there is this one guy, he's sweet and kind, 

I want to be more than a friend, 

I want to hold his hand. I want to look in his eyes.

It's hard to say goodbye, but so easy to say hello.

I don't just want a summer fling, i want something

serious and real. Something we can hold on to this year. 

life lately

Though many things have happened lately I feel that there is nothing much to write but i shall continue anyways.
Thought of the day: listening to your heart may be deceiving, so think it through... long and hard.

I go through my day, praying to God to help me make it through, to help me do well at my work.
He answered my prayer, though I did not ask for this to go wrong, it did.
That man i gave my heart to, he took it and twisted it around, now twisted and confused my heart aches.
I run to the Lord, asking for His forgiveness for giving my heart away too young and too fragile.
Through my pain and heartache I pray for the man i once loved with all my heart.
Thinking about what went wrong and how we could have stopped this, I don't think he realized when we were going off the train tracks of life.  Treat life like a train, WARNING: When driving do not be distracted by the many lovely and tempting things of life, you may go off the tracks. Keep your eye on God and God alone.  Father, Son, Holy Spirit is all you need to run this train... Mother Mary and Saint Joseph and the many saints may help you along the way as well, but keep your eye on the Lord.
Though my heart aches, I will stay strong. I will move on. A second chance has already been given and we now know this is too hard.  I don't think you realized that you can't just pick up things where you left them, gotta start new.  Out with the old and in with the new, as they sometimes say. The tears run down my cheek as I write, is this really goodbye? Like a thunderstorm my heart grumbles and is struck by lightening in half.
Did i trust you too much and yet so little? Was this too much for me to handle? I thought i would never leave you, but you knew from the start, it wouldn't last for long. I would one day walk away from what we had, though never meeting and thousands of miles away from each other, we had faith. But this isn't what was in the plan of God. There are better and greater things for us to do, though you will always hold a place in my heart. Though all I have loved will always be in my heart, you will also reside there. I'm sorry that I've hurt you, it's not what i intended to do, trust me. I had high expectations of you, when i shouldn't have.  Life's lessons can be painful, though we will learn to move on and deal with the consequences.

I am lonely and broken without the Lord, He satisfies me and gives me strength, He is my everything.
Listen to the angels and the heavenly music they sing from heaven, can you hear them? Are you listening?
If you can't hear them, you can't hear the mighty, yet beautiful voice of God. Listen, listen hard...Pray to the Lord.

memories.

Its over and done with, now why can't i move on? The memories lingering in my mind, seeing the days we spent together crystal clear. Why is it all coming back to me? This flood of memories, like a photograph, time passed as they were taken. the way you smiled, the way you laughed... i remember it all... now why can't i forget?

love you

i always feel like we never talk even though we do every day. words left unspoken cause we're too afraid. i stare at your photograph and just smile and think of how much i truly love you and how lucky i am to have you. missed opportunities, dont beat yourself up, there's always tomorrow that you can stand up and say i love you forever and always. ♥

music.

Some hate country music, but i like a very wide variety of music. Country music, it reminds me of the good old days when i used to clean horse stalls and go riding. Though I don't like some country music, I love the rest. I might say i hate it. But i dont. Music reminds me of different times throughout my life and thats why i love it.
All I'm saying is appriciate music for what it is. Though some may be grungy and loud and obnoxious, but underneath there is some good. Melody and Harmony. Yes that's all.

i still care.

The days go by and I still think of you.

This year's been rough but I've got new friends

who are helpin me get through it.

I've got someone new to love,

someone new to miss.

Someone who will say I'm beautiful

and "I love you"... 

I've fallen in love again, 

someone has fallen in love with me.

The past still haunts me, 

but i think of what wouldn't have been

rather than what would have been.

I wish we were still best friends, 

but you rarely talk to me.

Anyways i just thought i'd say,

that i still care and i want you to be happy once again.

with love from your friend

Butterflies in My Stomach

Everytime I talk to you
I get butterflies in my stomach
And today I'm gettin sick of them
flying around within me.
I can't hide it anymore,
I like you.
I've said it before.
I can't think of you as just a friend
it aint workin boy.
We cant just be friends, cause I want
to be much more.
I want to see you,
I want to touch you,
I want to wrap my arms around you.
But for now I just wan't these
butterflies to stop.
They're makin me sick.
Everytime you call I don't know what to
say, I just listen to your voice as if
it were the first time I heard it.
You're really the only friend I've got right now.
Who's always there to listen to me,
and tell me what to do.
I really love you.

I Like You...

I like you, I'm not talking about anyone specific or maybe I am. You will never know.

The lyrics below really resemble my life at the moment.

Girl you don't got nothing to prove to me, I know that times have been rough, For the both of us.

I know I have nothing to prove to those I love with all of my heart but i always feel like I do.

Times have been rough for all of us, but these times have made us stronger for what is to come.

Praying for a change... That's what I want, change. 

Sometimes I wish my life was different. That I lived in California again and life was just picture perfect. But, everything happens for a reason right? sometimes yes and sometimes no. I mean you can let your best friend walk right out of your life and not stop them. One day you look back and wish that you would've stopped them from leaving, but you didn't. If I didn't live in Ohio I wouldn't have met all of these wonderful people I know today. I wouldn't have done the things I've done, gone the places I've gone and everything else. I wouldn't know the best friends i have today or be going to the college only a few hours away. 

Moving on now... All of these lyrics, all of the notes played in this song, plays in my head, just for a boy. :)

"There's not much else I can do, But fall for you, You know that I'm a wreck, And you know I can't breathe, At the edge of my seat with each word, As the months turn into years, Just know that I will wait... here, For you..."

Now wait a second. Am I really falling for this kid? for this man who is so lovely and beautiful inside and out?

I believe so. My heart aches everytime I talk to you. Everytime you say hello and I wonder what things will be like in the future. I just hope you're with me, even if we are just friends. I'll take anything I can get. Cause I will wait here for you.

HUMMINGBIRD

BY: NEVERSHOUTNEVER

I like you
Girl you don't got nothing to prove to me
I know that times have been rough
For the both of us

But I'll pray for a change

You see this world has lots to offer
But in time it will go dark,
And if this love is what we see it is
I'm sure we will go far
And with a girl as sweet as you
There's not much else I can do
But fall for you

You know that I'm a wreck
And you know I can't breathe
At the edge of my seat with each word
As the months turn into years
Just know that I will wait... here,
For you

Cause I prayed for a change

You see this world has lots to offer
But in time it will go dark,
And if this love is what we see it is
I'm sure we will go far
And with a girl as sweet as you
There's not much else I can do
But fall for you
For you
For you
For you

This world has lots to offer
But in time it will go dark,
And if this love is what we see it is
I'm sure we will go far
And with a girl as sweet as you
There's not much else I can do
But fall for you

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

BY: MAYDAY PARADE


Baby, I sorely miss the vibrant gleam
That's in your eyes
I'll write a song about it
And maybe if the melody's just right
I hope tonight it will find you
It will remind you

But what's holding me back
Is the thought of time we never had
My world's hanging by three words
That I can't bear to say

When you hear this chorus
Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do?
After all this time, you leave me broken
This song is every word I left unspoken
When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping
That you'll think of us
That you'll think of us

Baby, I told myself that I'll be fine
But it's a lie
I don't wanna talk about it
Memories, oh, they cut like knives
Deep inside, I'm falling
Baby, catch me if you can

What's holding me back
Is the thought of time we never had
My world's hanging by three words
That I can't bear to say

When you hear this chorus
Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do?
After all this time, you leave me broken
This song is every word I left unspoken
When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping
That you'll think of us

When you hear this chorus
Do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?
Do you hurt the way that I do?
After all this time, you leave me broken
This song is every word I left unspoken
When you hear this, girl, I'm hoping
That you'll think of us
That you'll think of us

Baby, I sorely miss the vibrant gleam
That's in your eyes

Babe, You're Driving Me Crazy

Did you know that the first hello,

 would bring us to this?

Babe you're driving me crazy

I dont know what to do.

I think im goin crazy for you.

You've got the looks, you've got the skills

and baby i know you love me so.

But i can't just let you go.

I wanna know.

Do you feel the same way

when you just call to say hey?

Does your stomach get tied in a knot

When you hear my voice?

Oh baby do ya know what i'm talkin about?

do you know?

Oh babe you're drivin me crazy.

You've got me runnin up a wall.

I just wanted you to know that i still care,

and i still love you so.

Beauty In The Making

As you strum the strings on your guitar

 a snowflake falls upon the ground.

The air is cold and the sky is gray.

As you are playing,

the wind stirs the freshly fallen

snow from the ground, to dance.

It's beauty in the making.

The wind howls and screams through the trees,

but as you keep playing,

the season of winter quickly fades.

The snow melts and the trees begin

to bud and the flowers bloom.

The birds are singing,

the air is warmer as it begins to rain.

You think to yourself, it's really spring once again.

Playing the guitar, you see the skies quickly clearing

and the sun begin to shine once again.

The grass and trees are green and sky a bright blue

 as the birds are soaring through the sky.

The children are playing and running through

the streets once again.

You think once again, this is truly summer.

As summer quickly fades and your song

begins to change again,

the leaves turn to a bright

shades of orange and reds.

As the trees shed their leaves and they

begin to dance within the wind

as the fields are being harvested.

You think once more, this is truly fall.

Remembering Devin Reid

So today is the anniversary of Devin's death, January 5, 2010... but it's better to think of it as his entrance into the kingdom of heaven and what a marvelous day it was for him! Through all of his pain on earth he gained many rewards in heaven! We will always miss you Devin, and there will always be a place for you in our hearts. Though i did not know you, i prayed for you always as though i knew you. I felt as though i knew you and you were my friend! You will be constantly missed by those who love you on earth.
The tears, we'll always cry when we think of you. Our hearts will ache when we remember the times we spent with you. The memories that we made with you, we'll never forget. You won the race and ran til the end Devin, though you lost your battle against cancer, you never gave up. You were always strong. As we remember you today, we'll shed a tear and sadness will overcome our hearts. And we will think of how much we miss you.
Rest In Peace dear friend. ♥
you'll always be remembered in my heart. ♥