just another what if post.

Suppose every moment, every action, led up to this one moment... And in a way it did...
Just a thought, turned into a word then into an action that led up to these days.
It was an ordinary day that we decided that we should meet, that we should make this plan happen.
Though no one really knows about our initial thoughts about the entirety of this trip, because honestly we didn't tell a soul. What I am trying to converse is this, the idea about coming to Texas was a collaborated effort you may say and we made it happen. Yes, Texas, a wonderful state... Beautiful in all of its entirety and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't not go, no matter what I thought, no matter what anyone said I couldn't stop anything from happening, if it was meant to be it would be.  The days have passed slowly and it has begun to feel like home. Our friendship has grown stronger since I have come. The thought of leaving enters in my mind and I can only pray I don't cry, but in my heart I know I will. "I don't want to leave, the thought of not seeing him in the morning kills me..." these are the words that enter into my mind. Fear, what is fear, what's it feel like to be afraid? As of now I fear feelings... The feelings of loneliness, brokenness and feeling lost. I have desperately fallen in love with this city, with the people around me and especially with the man I once loved. Though no matter how hard I try I know I will miss the warmth of his skin, his silly remarks and "good" taste in music. Everything has a reason I repeat in my mind, day after day, I only hope and pray for the day, the moments that we will spend together someday. For now, I continue to persevere I try to step out of my comfort zone and explore, take chances and live without any regrets... I shall try to speak my mind, because what I want is also important... Just need to say it, I suppose.

KG